SCIENTISTS DISCOVER LINK BETWEEN OWN EXISTENCE AND AMAZING BREAKTHROUGHS
SCIENTISTS DISCOVER LINK BETWEEN VIEWING PORNOGRAPHY AND MALE SEXUAL AROUSAL.
Study is the largest of its kind in the world, in terms of both length and girth.
SCIENTISTS CONFIDENT OF CANCER BREAKTRHOUGH - IN GENERAL.
"This isn't based on any particular study or theoretical progress - it's just a general confidence. We're feeling pretty good."
SCIENTISTS "JUST WISH PEOPLE WOULD LEAVE US ALONE"
MANAGEMENT SCIENCE NOT A SCIENCE, SAY SCIENTISTS.
"We're rich and we can prove it," say management scientists.
PROCRASTINATION STUDY DELAYED AGAIN
STUDENTS STUDY STUDY STUDY.
A review of studying methods has been put under the microscope by students.
ENVIRONMENT IN "DEEP SHIT", SAY SCIENTISTS.
Environment agrees.
SCIENTIST THINKS OWN SHIT DOESN'T STINK
"We don't know shit," said JC Venter. "Which is why I've decided to make my lab the first to sequence the metagenome of a human's turd - my own of course."
SCIENCE IN THE MEDIA - AGAIN
INFRASTRUCTURE COLLAPSES
You would too if you'd been through what it has.
STEM CELL BREAKTHROUGH
Ethics committee approves research proposal.
MINDFUCK
Scientists have pinpointed 54 different areas of the brain associated with each of the 54 uses of the word "fuck".
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